I went in for my interview today. I didn't come away from it feeling very good. Some of the things threw me off and I am afraid I didn't make a very good impression. Typically the interview is my best part but this one threw me for a loop. I have had several panic attacks today and I had to leave work early so I could calm down.
I am super worried and I am trying to keep my faith that I will get the job as I was prompted to do. I got an E-mail indicating that I did not get the "customer service position" that I applied for but I did apply for more than one. I am not totally sure if that was the position I just interviewed for or if it was just one I applied for.
I hope some one actually calls me and lets me know either way. I am not sure what I would do if I don't get the job. I intend to take tomorrow off of work and take a mental health day.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Sunday, November 9, 2008
No word yet from Discover. I assume because today was Sunday they did not call me. But I did watch a great information video on IVF and ISCI.
Here is the link: http://www.genesis-fertility.com/fertility-services/in-vitro-fertilization-ivf
(then scroll down to the bottom)
This is a for a clinic in Canada but the information is the same, and it is very helpful.
Any way, I went to church today and realized that I am having a hard time with the fact that there are 12 women expecting babies and about 30 newborns. I know I should be happy for them but I always feel a twinge of pain in my heart whenever I see a new baby or pregnant woman. Especially now that it seems so far out of reach.
I am really hoping I get that job, I should just have more faith because we did receive a blessing indicating that if we followed the doctors advice that we would be successful. And part of what the doctor advised was to go get a job at discover. So we will see hopefully tomorrow.
Here is the link: http://www.genesis-fertility.com/fertility-services/in-vitro-fertilization-ivf
(then scroll down to the bottom)
This is a for a clinic in Canada but the information is the same, and it is very helpful.
Any way, I went to church today and realized that I am having a hard time with the fact that there are 12 women expecting babies and about 30 newborns. I know I should be happy for them but I always feel a twinge of pain in my heart whenever I see a new baby or pregnant woman. Especially now that it seems so far out of reach.
I am really hoping I get that job, I should just have more faith because we did receive a blessing indicating that if we followed the doctors advice that we would be successful. And part of what the doctor advised was to go get a job at discover. So we will see hopefully tomorrow.
Friday, November 7, 2008
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Welcome
Welcome to everyone who took the time to read my blog. Thank you for sharing my journey through this tough period in my life. I hope that you can come to find comfort and hope in my words as I work toward my goal of motherhood.
To begin, I would like to share my story.
Daniel and I met in January of 2005. We met in institute and after a brief (very brief) courtship, we married on May 27th 2005. Things started out a little rough but we have grown very close through the trials and have made it to this point with an amazing marriage.
During Daniels first marriage, his ex-wife Rachel, had several small strokes when she was pregnant with her last baby, and was told she could have no more children or she would die. Daniel being the wonderful an considerate person he is, he decided to take the bullet and get snipped. Unfortunately he did not know that Rachel was planning on leaving him. (That is a story for another time)
Obviously that has caused some problems in our marriage, since all of my life, all of I have ever wanted for my life is to be a mother. Even as a teenager I loved being around children and I dreamed and longed for the day when I would have several of my own. I have been preparing myself to be the best mother that I could possibly be. When Daniel and I got married I knew that there would be struggle to have the children that I have always longed for, but as the time has passed, I am finding that I am growing impatient.
On Tuesday November fourth (election day), Daniel and I went to our reproductive endocrinologist to find out what issues were causing us to not get pregnant after the surgery. We were told that Daniels sperm count was only 3 million with one million motile. For reference, a normal count is 20-200 million. So the doctor recommended that that we do in-vitro fertilization.
Because I had my heart set on doing IUI (inter uterine fertilization) during my Novembers cycle, I was very crushed to learn that the only way it would work for us is by doing IVF. And when the Doctor said that Daniels sperm count was only 3 million, I wanted to cry. We had received a blessing before the surgery that it would be successful, and I suppose in a way it was but not in the way I had hoped. My heart ached with the lost opportunity, and what felt like the death of a long held dream.
To make matters worse the doctor was a little bit insensitive when telling me that our chances per cycle were only 40% because I am over weight. He did not weigh me or anything, just looked at me and assumed. It really hurt my feelings. I know it shouldn't have but it did. Especially because finding out that the chances are lower because of me just made me feel guilty that I have not made more of an effort to loose weight.
Okay maybe that is not fair. In the month of September I lost about 20bls doing the USANA shakes and bars, and exercising like crazy. But maybe that is why it hurt so badly. I had made an effort and was told it wasn't good enough.
Any way back to the story. The first thing I did was call my Mom. She has some helpful ideas, but after talking with Daniel we decided that IVF was the way we were going have to go. One of the main reasons is because Daniel received a blessing right before we went to the doctor and the blessing was very specific that we needed to listen to the doctor and do as he advised, and if we did that we would be successful. The doctor also recommended that I go get a job at Discover Card, because their insurance pays for IVF and all of the drugs necessary as well.
So I applied on November 6th, and we will see what happens. I prayed about that choice and I felt very strongly impressed that, getting that job is what I was supposed to do.
Thats all for now!
To begin, I would like to share my story.
Daniel and I met in January of 2005. We met in institute and after a brief (very brief) courtship, we married on May 27th 2005. Things started out a little rough but we have grown very close through the trials and have made it to this point with an amazing marriage.
During Daniels first marriage, his ex-wife Rachel, had several small strokes when she was pregnant with her last baby, and was told she could have no more children or she would die. Daniel being the wonderful an considerate person he is, he decided to take the bullet and get snipped. Unfortunately he did not know that Rachel was planning on leaving him. (That is a story for another time)
Obviously that has caused some problems in our marriage, since all of my life, all of I have ever wanted for my life is to be a mother. Even as a teenager I loved being around children and I dreamed and longed for the day when I would have several of my own. I have been preparing myself to be the best mother that I could possibly be. When Daniel and I got married I knew that there would be struggle to have the children that I have always longed for, but as the time has passed, I am finding that I am growing impatient.
On Tuesday November fourth (election day), Daniel and I went to our reproductive endocrinologist to find out what issues were causing us to not get pregnant after the surgery. We were told that Daniels sperm count was only 3 million with one million motile. For reference, a normal count is 20-200 million. So the doctor recommended that that we do in-vitro fertilization.
Because I had my heart set on doing IUI (inter uterine fertilization) during my Novembers cycle, I was very crushed to learn that the only way it would work for us is by doing IVF. And when the Doctor said that Daniels sperm count was only 3 million, I wanted to cry. We had received a blessing before the surgery that it would be successful, and I suppose in a way it was but not in the way I had hoped. My heart ached with the lost opportunity, and what felt like the death of a long held dream.
To make matters worse the doctor was a little bit insensitive when telling me that our chances per cycle were only 40% because I am over weight. He did not weigh me or anything, just looked at me and assumed. It really hurt my feelings. I know it shouldn't have but it did. Especially because finding out that the chances are lower because of me just made me feel guilty that I have not made more of an effort to loose weight.
Okay maybe that is not fair. In the month of September I lost about 20bls doing the USANA shakes and bars, and exercising like crazy. But maybe that is why it hurt so badly. I had made an effort and was told it wasn't good enough.
Any way back to the story. The first thing I did was call my Mom. She has some helpful ideas, but after talking with Daniel we decided that IVF was the way we were going have to go. One of the main reasons is because Daniel received a blessing right before we went to the doctor and the blessing was very specific that we needed to listen to the doctor and do as he advised, and if we did that we would be successful. The doctor also recommended that I go get a job at Discover Card, because their insurance pays for IVF and all of the drugs necessary as well.
So I applied on November 6th, and we will see what happens. I prayed about that choice and I felt very strongly impressed that, getting that job is what I was supposed to do.
Thats all for now!
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